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Anthony Fauci Trains Government on Gain of Function

Washington, DC - Well known virologist Anthony Fauci, who led the government in it’s quest to control citizens during the COVID-19 outbreak, has once again offered his services to the United States government.


It is common knowledge that the government has a hard time getting things done - many say they have "no real function." However, Fauci wants to show the politicians and bureaucrats how to gain function in Washington.

In an exclusive interview with The Machination Times, Fauci told us a little bit about his plans.


“You see, I’m a professional when it comes to gain of function. I’ve mastered the process through experience and experimentation at the Wuhan Lab in China - ever heard of it? I did an amazing job at giving the Covid virus legs and wings so it could fly high across the globe. I feel like I could do the same thing for the government and teach them how the gain the function of efficiency.”


When asked how he thinks the government could gain function like a virus, Fauci had an interesting answer.


“Well, if you look at the situation as the government is a virus as well, it makes it much easier to understand and get done.”


Republican Senator Rand Paul, known for contentious hearings with Fauci said,"I wish he could find gain of function for curly hair that gets out of control."


We reached out to the White House for comment, but received no reply.


Before the interview ended, Fauci said,” I’m the daddy of gain of function and governmental control. You tell me. Who can outwit, out jive and out shuck Daddy Fauci?”

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