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Area 51 Unphased by Frigid Arctic Bomb Cyclone

Area 51, NV - The United States has been punched hard by a winter storm like nothing seen in decades, causing power outages, snow drifts, and subzero temperatures. Area 51 hasn’t been touched by it, however.

The famed government facility known for its secretive on-goings with experiments, potential housing of UFOs and alien autopsies, has been untouched by the extreme polar weather that has caused temperatures to plummet well into the single digits and negatives, as far as Northern Mexico.

An Air Force insider, who will remain nameless, confided with this publication to tell us.

“Truth be told, and you’re not going to believe this, but this place is like a tropical paradise. This is where all the vacations with government insiders happens. The term ‘fun in the sun’ doesn’t even describe how much is to be had here! The warm temps, drinks and women! Wow!”

Through our investigation, we discovered there is much more in these air plane hangars than aircraft. There are beaches, large bodies of water and other activities for outdoor fun - all due to top secret artificial lighting. One hangar is singularly dedicated to tanning beds - a far cry from what we thought we knew about the site.

We spoke to a politician who wished to remain anonymous.

“The bottom line is us government elites and politicians shouldn’t have to endure and deal with inconveniences of weather like this. It’s more of a peasant thing.”

According to our insider, Area 51 has not been affected by the cold due to the large quantity of bright, hot artificial lights on the site. We find it odd certain politicians who campaign on climate change use the facility.

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