Bellingham, WA – On Tuesday evening Bigfoot gave the country his State of the Union address. He touched on many topics as usual in an elegant and authoritative way.
The Machination Times attended the address. It was clear that Bigfoot was happy with the status of conspiracy theories ranging from Mothman, to UFO sightings, to prepper news, to himself.
Excerpt from the speech: “The past year has been good for us. We saw an uptick in UFO sightings which rocked the world when the government was forced to write a report. Here we are in March with more momentum going our way. If we did not exist to some, ignored by deniers and make others question reality there would not be much for us to do. It is obvious we are on the right path.”
The crowd was raucous at times – cheering, clapping and chanting “don’t look at me, I’m just a conspiracy” repeatedly.
“I have to agree with Bigfoot. 2021 was a great year and it put our world in a position like no other. And that chant, have you ever heard anything like it,” Mothman said, grinning from ear to ear.
We were able to get a few moments with Bigfoot post speech.
“I was honored to give the keynote. It was a great crowd and a great time. We are poised for a great year of conspiracies, tom foolery, absurdity, pranks and follies. I love getting humans worked up in a tizzy. It is all in good fun, of course. We wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
Bigfoot was clearly having a great time and said he needed to leave for the afterparty at the Hilton Hotel.
In response, a conspiracy suppression member from the Government gave a rebuttal. He said that Bigfoot’s speech was too keen to invalidate.