Prien, LA - A slew of paper and digital documents pertaining to the existence of Bigfoot were found in a Louisiana man’s house after a search warrant was served by the FBI.
The Machination Times obtained exclusive information to these papers via a government insider.
“We obtained a tip that some documents proved the existence of the nimble and ever so elusive creature. After some follow up, we obtained a search warrant and seized these documents and any electronics. These documents give us some insight to the personality of Bigfoot. The most I can say right at this moment is that he is a party animal.”
“I’ll tell you right now,” said Robert Givens, the man the Feds raided. “Bigfoot is a character. He’s a trip! The beast has a huge personality, larger than life. The reason he eludes so many people is that he’s a great judge of character, even when observing from a distance. The Feds can take what they want. It's only pictures and videos from the times me and the boys went drinking with Bigfoot. Those FBI guys are just jealous that Biggie (that’s what I call him) doesn’t buy into government. He’s all about the freedom living in nature gives him.”
We were able to speak to Bigfoot about this.
“If they want my party life documents, they can have it. I don’t care what those sticks-in-the-mud have to say or think. I chose to enjoy life and keep my nose out of anyone else’s business, unlike the government.”
The FBI declined to say what they plan to do with the seized items. But our insider said they may be putting together training on how to enjoy life a little more and not be so uptight.