Extraterrestrial Escapes Area 51, Credits Father

On Friday evening a being not from Earth, also known as an alien or extraterrestrial, was able to escape Area 51. Around approximately 0251 hours in the evening, alarms sounded after a guard made his rounds and found that one of the rooms where the strange beings are housed for experiments was empty. A search and seize team was activated, but at the time of this publication, the alien has not been located by authorities.

The Machination Times, however, located the escaped Martian, Scaktex Ukans, and obtained an interview.

“I’ll tell you how I did it – with my brain. These humans think they got us figured out. We are able to invent aircraft that is faster, quieter, and more elusive. The idea that we are being held in these cells against our will is absurd. We are toying with the humans. At any moment, all of us could escape, but instead there are some of us that stay there to feed misinformation to the researchers and lead all of you down the wrong path.”

It is unclear how the unnamed being was able to make the move and not get gunned down by armed military personnel.

“Don’t worry about how I escaped undetected. I am able to scoot, juke and shuck with the best of them. That is something I learned from my father. He was known in our galaxy is The Great Juking Jivemaster because he was so slick.”

When asked if Scaktex was worried that he would be recaptured, he just laughed and said in a tone similar to the famed WWE wrestler Rick Flair, “I’m having a hard time keeping these gray feet on the earth.”

Whatever that is supposed to mean.