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Government to Ban Gas Stoves; But Don’t Worry Politicians Will Be Fine

Updated: Feb 6, 2023

Washington, DC - The United States government is enacting a ban on gas stoves in an attempt to lower the asthma rate and curb climate change.

In what seems to be a benign move, embraced with good intentions, the current government administration is taking the recommendations from the Consumer Product Safety Commission to move and eliminate gas stoves, stating they cause cognitive issues along with respiratory problems.

The real reason for this decision was found after receiving a tip from an insider.

“This isn’t about climate change or asthma,” said the unnamed source. “This is about turning the United States into a third world country. We are intentionally trying to stress out and crash the electrical grid. But don’t worry! All of your leaders in Washington that know better than you will be in comfortable climate controlled environments so they can continue to discuss what is best for the normal citizens.”

When asked how will the electric power grid handle all the new strain, his response was shocking.

“Well, it will probably collapse; politicians will be okay though, so don’t worry about them. But isn’t that the goal of government? To get control so you don't have to worry or think? I mean, you know as well as I do that once these politicians were elected they became experts and learned everything and shouldn't be questioned."

From our investigation and the claims made by government officials that the methane gas from gas stoves causes cognitive issues it seems that all politicians may have gas stoves themselves.

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