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Military Shoots Down Child’s Kite Out of Abundance of Caution

Arthur, NE - The United States military says there is a legitimate fear of invasion between spy balloons and a potential alien invasion, leaving nothing to chance in terms of items in the sky.


On Monday, the United States Air Force ordered a rogue kite to be shot down from the sky, despite the child toy aircraft was clearly being flown by a 9-year-old girl in a local park.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” says the little girl’s mother, who wishes to remain unnamed. “I took her to the park because it was an unusually beautiful day for February in Nebraska. I’m sitting there watching her fly her kite. I could hear the jet coming so I looked up to see it pass by. Instead, I noticed what looked like a missile shoot out and hone in on my daughter’s kite. It was a very nice kite! Then all of the sudden it there’s an explosion and it’s vaporized, ash raining down on us. Unbelievable.”


Department of Defense spokesman John Kirby gave comment to the incident.

“Well, of course as you know, there’s been what could be an invasion into the United States by aliens, spy balloons and other air craft. We need to secure our air space by blasting any type of threat, including seemingly benign children’s kites. Take nothing for granted and smoke check all threats. Unless that balloon is Chinese in origin. In that case, we must handle things accordingly.”


The Department of Defense also stated they are unsure why more kites aren’t flown at the Southern Border since less oversight is located there.

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