Detroit, MI- A small Michigan pharmaceutical company has discovered a way to incorporate a controversial medicine into drinks so that social distancing for COVID-19 is an act of the past.
BioMere has created a tasteless and odorless version of the medicine Ivermectin that comes in a liquid form for human consumption.
“Social distancing, another government-created mandate to crush any fun you want to have, is a thing of the past,” said company President Brock Henley. “2020 was depressing, bro. There were parties to be thrown, drinks to be slammed and meaningful relationships to be made, wink-wink. And the government ruined that for a lot of us. I wasn’t down with that so it was time to make a medicine that could be dripped in your favorite beer, wine, or shot and kill any COVID virus you may get while out on the town.”
Research has shown that the new medication has a 91% kill rate for viruses, specifically COVID-19.
We spoke with Centers for Disease Control Director Mandy Cohen about the product.
“BioMere’s product is scary. It hasn’t been fully tested and Father Fauci has not endorsed it. I encourage citizens to not use this product, even if it works. The government knows best. Social distancing along with your COVID-19 vaccine, at least five of them, is what we recommend. Our politicians do a lot to protect us and the least we can do is faithfully take our shots so they can get their monetary kickback. It is the moral and ethical thing to do.”
We asked Henley when the medication would be ready.
“It will be released by next weekend. The bro’s won’t be slowed down anymore. Get your bro tanks ready and your elbows warmed up for some Jersey Shore beat-slamming fist pumps!”