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Nuclear Codes Lost In A Box Of Cereal

Colorado Springs, CO - A Colorado man has breached national security protocols and took the nuclear codes from the Air Force site where they are stored and potentially lost them in a cereal box at his second job.


Adam Tompkins, 44, of Colorado Springs works at the site where many nuclear rockets are stored, along with the code used to launch them in case of a national security emergency, according to sources familiar with the internal investigation.


We were able to obtain an interview with Tompkins.


“I’m in trouble on this one, guys. Yep. I’ve made some mistakes before at the job, but nothing like this. Might be catching some paper on this one. This isn’t like the time I spilled my soup on the atomic launch dashboard. Or brought my girlfriend to the bunkhouse (wink, wink). Or decided to rewire the televisions so I could watch multiple college football games at one time, instead of monitoring the radars. The last time I saw the codes I had to run out the door to get to my second job at the cereal boxing facility. I must have put them in my pocket or something and somehow packaged them in some Lucky Charms. They weren’t found in the usual spot and the nuclear housing site.”


We spoke to Tompkin’s supervisor about the issue.


“It’s hard to fire people in a government union. This guy is protected to the hilt. As far as why the codes are written on a cocktail napkin, it is kind of a tradition. Russia can’t hack a napkin, right?”

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