Southwest Airlines Didn't Lose Luggage. It Was Stolen.

Dallas, TX - With the recent arctic bomb cyclone dominating the media waves it was only expected that commercial airlines would have issues flying due to the extreme weather conditions. Southwest has received the brunt of issues after being accused of losing thousands of pieces of luggage. However, an investigation has shown this is not the case and a former governmental employee is responsible.

Former Department of Nuclear Waste employee, Sam Brinton, was recently arrested and charged with larceny after stealing luggage from a baggage carousel. After being booked, he was released on bond, currently awaiting trial.

The Machination Times was initially skeptical of the lost luggage. No airline can lose that much and there must be a larger brain behind the incident. After investigating surveillance videos, police reports and speaking to witnesses, the case is solved.

We were able to speak to Southwest employee, Alice Childers who stated that she is familiar with the Brinton case and personally witnessed him taking multiple pieces of baggage that was clearly not his.

“No one can carry that much luggage when riding commercial. He took around 20-25 items off the carousel; I’ve been in this job for over 16 years and seen a lot of theft. He must be somewhat new to thievery. The guy walked in wearing big sunglasses, an oversized hat that looked like something the people in Vietnam wear when in the rice fields, and a large moo-moo. He stuck out like a sore thumb.”

Brinton made a crucial mistake when it comes to disguises as he also left his governmental identification card on his moo-moo, according to Childers.

“He forgot to take off his ID that had his name on it,” she said rolling her eyes.

When we contacted Brinton for comment.

“I thought it was planned perfectly, just got sloppy and forgot the name tag – won’t forget the next time though. That disguise has been a failsafe for many other times. You can’t stop this klepto freight train!”