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Supreme Court Rules Aliens Cannot Protest Area 51

Washington, D.C. - The Supreme Court ruled 7-2 on Friday that it is unconstitutional for extra-terrestrials to protest Area 51.

In 2019, alien Edwin Taylor filed suit against the government for violating his First and Fourth Amendment rights after he was arrested at an Area 51 protest.

SCOTUS determined since extra-terrestrials are from another planet, they are not granted the rights of an earthly citizen. The majority determined that due to aliens consistently coming and going to and from the earth they are not covered by the Constitution due to making no effort to become a temporary citizen at a minimum.

One of the justices stated under the agreement of anonymity that the ruling came from the majority due to the flagrant behaviors of UFO pilots.

“They zip around the sky, float over cities, and shine spotlights on individuals; causing the news to report all of these actions. We know the fury that follows all of that. Plus, our Constitution is pretty clear.”

After the ruling, The Machination Times made contact with Taylor to gather his thoughts.

“I think it is garbage. This is America. I thought the First Amendment applied to all. My attorney told me that he believed we had a strong case. I understand restrictions on yelling fire in a movie theatre or whatever, but I was simply protesting the government cutting my friends open and doing autopsies on them. I know they aren’t humans but they have feelings and families too. Families that want to bury them in the moon dust they deserve.”

Federal law enforcement at Area 51 stated that they will continue to enforce their anti-protest policies at the location until the message is sent back to outer space.

Federal Government Police Chief David Summerall was interviewed but he only said one thing.

“ET’s come protest Area 51 and find out.”

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