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Ukraine to Receive Entire Military from Global Power

Updated: Feb 5, 2023

Washington, DC - For almost a year, Ukraine and Russia have been in a military conflict since an invasion directed by Russian President Vladimir Putin. The United States has contributed billions of dollars in military gear and munitions. Now, according to sources, the United States is giving more than money.

On Tuesday, it was reported that the United States President Joe Biden, who is also the military Commander-In-Chief, green lighted sending 31 M1 Abram tanks to Ukraine to assist Ukrainian President Zelensky in the conflict. While this is seemingly benign, this is all part of a larger plan.

One of our government inside sources cued us in on the real story behind the recent move.

“Ultimately, our entire military will be Ukraine’s - the tanks, guns, planes, and yes, the personnel. I mean, they signed a contract so it’s okay. It’s for the greater good though! We want Ukraine to beat Russia. It’s kind of like when Army plays Navy ever year in football. The motto is ‘Beat Navy’ or vice versa. It’s perfect for politicians. They send over our entire military for Ukraine to use and in return the politicians get monetary kick backs for their next election. It’s not like this is corrupt or anything. The politicos are just being fund raising trailblazers and using others to get the funds. Just normal politician stuff, ya know?”

We spoke with an unnamed senator from South Carolina.

“There’s no corruption here. As you can see, this is business as usual. We are making tons of money off the backs of our service members through the use of the military industrial complex. Just our normal day-to-day.”

Another senator, from the state of New York, who agreed to speak with us under anonymity as well excitedly yelled “Hell, yeah!” after his colleague from South Carolina spoke.

Currently, there is no timeline on when our military will be completely surrendered to another country in a conflict that has nothing to do with American national security but when it’s complete, we will report accordingly.

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