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Whole Foods Store Closes from Not Enough Homeless Taking Over

Updated: Apr 12, 2023

San Francisco, CA - A 65,000- square foot Whole Foods Market in downtown San Francisco is closing its doors, at least temporarily due to the lack of tolerance expected in businesses that open in the bay city , according to the company.

The store, located in the crime bustling downtown location known to locals as the Trinity area, will temporarily close its doors and retrain employees on how to properly deal with multiple shopliftings a day, homelessness, hardcore drug users and the occasional protest or riot.

Corporate manager, Jill Murray, stated that while the store has made a lot of progress over the years others haven’t and Whole Foods will begin to lead the way.

“The most progressive city in the country has taught us in the last year since the Trinity store opened that we, as a company, haven’t evolved enough. We don’t encourage enough shoplifting, so we will make sure we fix that with more signage. The homeless drug challenged victims will be able to use our break room to shoot up in, take naps and use the bathroom; even if it's on the floor. It’s the least we can do for the community and be forward thinking, unlike those bigots who expect people to take care of themselves; which is so selfish.”

Employees went to work daily in fear for their safety stated one employee that asked to remain unnamed.

“We were told by management that we should be happy they give us $21 an hour and we knew what we were signing up for. ‘Progressivism at its finest.’ And that safety is relative just like gender and morals. I mean it made sense at the time.”

A member on the Board of Supervisors for San Francisco said he was disappointed that Whole Foods wasn't as progressive as they claim to be and must shut down to train on this.

"I just thought they were lit fire on this issue. This damages the city and sets us back years, maybe decades."

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