Nevada, U.S. - Will Smith has been the center of controversy this past week after smacking Chris Rock in the face during the Oscar’s when Rock made a joke about Smith’s wife. Incidentally, The Machination Times recently learned that Smith has been training at an underground Area 51 facility, specifically for smacking.
The Machination Times learned from one of our internal sources that Smith has been training for months in hopes that he would be able to “slap someone silly.”
“Smith has been out of this world with his training, almost alien like,” said our anonymous source. “He comes in daily with new baby powder and a staunch piece of leather. He told me that he was feeling jiggy and was waiting for an opportunity to slap someone with his new found skills. I told him that slapping is a martial art not to be played around with, but he obviously had his own agenda.”
Air Force gate guard Airman First Class Benjamin Hutchins told us that he knew Smith was going to misuse his slapping techniques.
“You should see what he does in training. Will dances around, singing then all of the sudden slapping the mannequins we have in the training center. Just completely disregarding the ethos of our underground slap training. It’s pathetic and it makes me sick.”
We reached out to Will Smith ‘s spokesperson who provided us with this remark: “Will said if your publication reaches out to him again, it’s going to be lights out.”
Upon speaking to the United States government about an underground slap training center, we were told that The Machination Times is tantamount to the National Inquirer.
We vehemently dispute those nonsensical claims and will continue to bring you the finest conspiracy news on the globe.